Film Review: Crash

If you catch Spader behind the wheel be sure to drive, run, swim, lightly jog or whatever AWAY!

Oh God.  

It’s that special time again where David Cronenberg shows everyone how it’s done with a tale about car-crash fetishists. There is no plot, there is no moral lesson learned, there isn’t any real sense of build up and pay off, there isn’t even a solid three-act structure at all…….yet strangely enough this film works on all levels. Long before the boom of the laptops, iPads, smart phones, Cronenberg depicts our society’s lack of connection with one another with the modern technological marvel of the automobile and in order to fully achieve a sense of connection we need to literally crash into each other. One character states “The car crash is a fertilizing rather than a destructive event” which means that our numb and emotion-less characters get an adrenaline rush of sensation that they never feel anywhere else in the midst of mangled metal and flesh and the only way to come down off of this sensation is to diddle anybody that shares this crazy fetish.

Well, of course YOU would think so.  

Instead of trying to make the audience feel guilty with a moral narrative about the way we live in the modern era, Cronenberg allows us to become spectators of characters who are not very emotional and speak very monotone all of the time, yet they are so bat-shit crazy that they are completely fascinating to watch.

Seriously, this is how intense the acting gets.  

Every single bizarre element to this film is important in depicting the lack of human connection and the lengths that people will go to achieve it. Yes, even the notorious sex scenes. Cronenberg has always been my favorite director of sex in film, since intercourse allows his characters to become vulnerable and lets the audience see their complete psyches. He adds enough flair to make the scenes pleasing to the eye yet also just enough unpleasantness to hit us in the gut on a visceral level that make them unforgettable and important.

That’s exactly what I said after the “scar vagina” scene.  

Ultimately, this film is not pleasant to watch, but it says what it wants to say and says it well with style, trash, and a bang that make it an unforgettable, fascinating study on human connection. It’s strange for me to say this, but I actually really loved this film. Don’t judge me to harshly.

I totally agree!  Just don’t ever, ever, ever, ever drive again.  Okay?!

Um, no, I really don’t want to-

- I mean, oh yes, you crash cars, like, really well.  You do.  No one can match your inability to follow the rules of the road, I swear!  

Film Review: Silver Linings Playbook

Despite hearing rave reviews about this film, I could never really bring myself to watch it for the longest time. It was like every synopsis I read couldn’t really pin down what the movie was about and, in my experience, that usually acts as a red flag that the movie isn’t going to be good. Then I was further put off by American Hustle which was an extravagantly, overrated mess and it made me worried that SLP would turn out the same.

Go home, movie.  You’re drunk.  

However, now I see that I had completely missed out.

I know, my bad, movie. I thought you were that OTHER movie and I really shouldn’t have.  

This is honestly the best “rom-com” that I have seen in way too long of a time. Instead of going through the pains of utilizing all the same tired jokes and troupes of a typical rom-com, David O. Russell comes up with an effortlessly simple plot that allows the characters to breathe and grow right before our eyes whether they are happy, sad, angry, manic, or just plain crazy.

I totally agree, Bradley, I didn’t see this coming either.  

This allowed for this very cool sensation where it was like I was having fun, laughing at the shenanigans that our characters got themselves into, yet at the same time I felt a very creepy sense of dread because these same characters are unpredictable and could be quite dangerous.

I don’t know whether to laugh or scream so I’m just going to do both.  

And they felt so incredibly REAL that I found myself saying “Aww” and “How sweet” quite a lot and I never do that anymore.

The acting was spot on with surprisingly effective strange casting choices, the shots were great, and the soundtrack was, once again, full of strange yet inspired song choices.

This dance was really awesome too.  

What a great, heartfelt, romantic, funny, eerie romp that allows us to realize that we may be crazier than we think, but if we continue to look for that silver lining we can get through our insanity together.

It is great……and don’t call me Pat.  

Ps. Oh yes, I have had that third wheel conversation about meds. You’ve never fully lived until you’ve had it.

Film Review: Sunshine

Ever since its release in 2007 I have seen trailers for this film, but in the midst of all of the other crappy apocalypse films such as The Core and The Day After Tomorrow I was never interested. Lately, I’ve been hearing about how underrated it is so I decided to just slap it on one evening and I have to say……OMG THIS WAS AWESOME!!!!

So pretty…..

Seriously, wow! This is a pretty straight forward “people trying to survive in space” story where Danny Boyle pays homage to the great sci-fi films of yore such as 2001, Alien and even Event Horizon yet he knows how to put aspects of those films together to create such a hybrid that surpasses them! I even love this more than Gravity and I freaking love that movie!
As we are knee-deep in a life or death venture of beauty, intensity and dread that looks into the ideals of Theism vs. Atheism such as is there a God, if we are dying should we just allow ourselves to die because of His say so, if He doesn’t exist what then, how far should we go in the name of human survival especially when the survival of all of mankind is on our shoulders?

It’s so pretty!

There have been a lot of reviewers who found the last quarter of the film horrible (including Quentin Tarantino surprisingly enough), but I actually don’t hate it. I mean, come on, it fits the typical Danny Boyle film structure that he always uses: Clear introduction, smooth sailing of plot, some whacky turn of events happen, film ends in a blaze. Seriously, he always does this so why should it not work once again here? And honestly with Boyle at the helm, he just makes the bat-shit craziness work as he always does.


All in all, I love everything about Sunshine. I love the writing, the directing, the visual effects, the cast, the editing, THE SOUNDTRACK!! Dude, I’ll bet the food cart was awesome too. This is now one of my favorite movies ever. I’m going to go buy it and you need to go watch it as Abraham Lincoln would say, “Now! Now! Now!”

So HAWT…..uh, I mean, so PRETTY!

Television Review: The Last Enemy

Sherlock and Rumpelstiltskin TOGETHER?!  Oh snap, hold my instant cues, I so got this!

This was a surprisingly good miniseries by our good friends across the pond at the BBC with a pre-Sherlock Benedict Cumberbatch (complete with an episode that explains where he got the Homeless Network from) who gets swept up in a George Orwellian government conspiracy and a menage je triangle with his brother and his brother’s widow who he ends up stalking which in turn leads him to be stalked by Rumpelstiltskin. All in all, lots of stalking.…okay+%2528john%2529.gif

At first it’s very strange yet after the initial episodes, I became more and more used to it and eventually found it normal. I just hope that this doesn’t verve my thinking to the point where if BC ever comes up and says, “I’ve been cyper-stalking you” I would find it enduring instead of creepy as sh*t.

BC was very good as an understated, dorka, wet sandwich who is adorably clueless, yet means well even when he makes the most bizarre mishaps concerning his love and/or stalking of his lady, who is also his brother’s lady.

Also, our deary douchey Rumple was so BAMF in this series that he made for a lot of clever twists and turns in the narrative as well as blowing something up and walking away without looking back.  Rawr.

(FYI, if Lacey saw this, her ovaries would’ve exploded.  Just sayin’)

The only complaints that I have range from not quite perfect writing (see the “cyper-stalking” line), really imperfect directing which I have a strong feeling would be a LOT better if this were filmed today, and the really weird bits where it sounds like characters are pausing whenever they speak until I realized that they were having their swearing bleeped out. That’s all good, I guess, except in one scene where Rumple managed to let one big swear word out that made me go, “OMG< what was the point, you guys?!”

But whatever, I still really dug the hell out of this little romp of conspiracy, yet I’m also glad that it came to an abrupt end to keep the mystery alive, well, and swimming inside of our brains. Jolly good, BBC!

Ps. The hawt dudes keep piling up in this series as Matthew Goode is also the narrator of each episode, so you’re welcome for that.

Pss. If Rumple asks you to take a walk with him…..DON’T!!!  I’ll give you a small hint as to why.

Television Review: The Leftovers Season One

If a whole bunch of shows were x1000 better, they would be this one.
Wow, I freaking love this show! It’s so strange how in the aftermath of Game of Thrones’ season ending in craziness and True Blood’s final season beginning, The Leftovers just kind of got onto my radar, hit me, and never let me go.
After a year of craptacular films concerning faith trying to pit Theists and Atheists against each other with lack-luster arguments and results, this show represents everyone at their best and at their worst. Not everyone has faith, but not everyone doesn’t either. People are not saints, yet they aren’t purely evil. Sometimes people care and sometimes they don’t. Nothing is black and white and people are unpredictable as hell. All of these elements are present within all of the characters’ stories and while they disagree and are disrespectful of each other, I feel that the show itself is not.
This rapture-like event has changed the world drastically, yet not really. People are grieving for loved ones who never died, but are simply gone so what are they supposed to do? Should life just go on or should they carry the memory of this event like a cross from now on? Strange things happen, yet I don’t feel beat over the head with it’s weirdness like Lost had. It focuses less on concrete answers and more on all of the broken characters trying to cope with their messed up lives in a manner that’s more interesting than True Detective. The show seems to know when to be loud and crazy and it knows when to shut the hell up and use silence that strikes at the heart just as effectively.
All in all, this show is awesome and I highly recommend it. I cannot wait until next season!

Ps. The cast is brilliant including Amy Brenneman (Private Practice made me forget how great of an actress she is), Justin Theroux (who we get to see Dem Abs) and the Ninth Doctor (who we got to see Dat Ass). All around wonderful.

Pss. Here is The Leftovers beautiful piano theme which hit me where I live at every crazy turn.